Throw Mama From the Train, Dammit!

SIX!!! That's the number of times I had to change my daughter's big girl panties yesterday. Six times she peed in her pants. I mean, WHO pees that much? The thing is, she went in the potty, too! So, if you add up the times she went in the potty and the times she went in her pants it's like... I don't know, I'm not a mathmetician, but a LOT of times! I can't do this! I wasn't cut out for this gig! I was determined to be calm and gentle and patient about this whole nightmare of a process, but that there ship has sailed. I think I may have to up my meds this week (you think I'm kidding, but I'm not)!

I honestly find myself contemplating the most inane solutions to this WEE (wink, wink) dilemma. I picture placing my daughter in a small, hollow room with tile and a potty chair (I picture a raquetball court)... nothing else. Naked, maybe. No, not naked. I want her to figure out how to pull those pants up and down over that tush, for pete's sake! But no toys, no TV, no distractions... just her and her potty chair and a whole lot of BORING! Then I start to think to myself, 'you know, self, you'd probably be sitting on Dr Phil in 18 years if you did something like that', and I DEFINITELY don't want to do that cuz we all know what type of CAN I might open up on that there Quack job. And as if the whole hardcore "time in the hole" scenario weren't bad enough, I find my over-the-top mind thinking about whether or not they've invented shockable panties... yeah, I know. Confessions of a desperate houswife!!! Shockable panties! I might as well put a collar on her and take her for a walk around the block to have her pee in some other guys yard! Oh, where the mind goes when you've been BEATEN by the potty train.

In other news,... wait... there is no other news. This is MY LIFE as I know it (sigh)...