Casper May Be Living In My House

So, I'm not sure what any of you think about spirits or ghosts, but I have unfortunately been forced to answer that question as of late. You see, when you have a crazy, voo-doo sister-in-law (and I mean that in the kindest, most loving context) living next door (actually on the other side of the wall -- it's a duplex), you can't help but worry about what effect that may have on you. She reads Tarot cards, which isn't a huge deal, except that every time I go to her house she has a new book on astrology, tarot, and as of late WITCHCRAFT. She makes medicine bags full of different herbs that supposedly help with different problems. She burns her candles to channel energy and inscents to... I don't know... whatever inscents are meant to do. She asks her magic eight ball about important life decisions and has 3 different sets of Tarot. When she moved into the house she had a sayonce...... okay, okay, there was no sayonce, but the rest is true. She moved into the other side of our duplex about a year ago and when she did she said that she believed there was a spirit living in her house. Later, she found Tarot, astrology, and all the other wack-o, shmack-o stuff aforementioned.

So, onto me. My daughter is paranoid about this "bad guy" that lives in her room. At first we thought it was her imagination. Now, I'm starting to wonder if it may be more. Recently, she has been getting more and more scared of being alone in her room, especially if it is too dark. She no longer plays under her bed (where the bad guy supposedly is). The other day she said to me that she was ready to take her nap, but a few seconds later she came out and slammed the door behind her stating that she no longer wanted the nap. When I made her lay down in her bed with the door wide open, she screamed for 20 minutes until I thought she was having a panic attack. I thought she was possibly just trying to get out of the nap, so I thought I'd test her to see, just in case. I told her she could sleep on my bed, but if she started messing around then it was straight to her room. She layed in my room and was out within a couple of minutes. I was sick to my stomach. What if there is more to this bad guy thing than we'd like to believe? I have to say, I'm a little unnerved.

Throw Mama From the Train, Dammit!

SIX!!! That's the number of times I had to change my daughter's big girl panties yesterday. Six times she peed in her pants. I mean, WHO pees that much? The thing is, she went in the potty, too! So, if you add up the times she went in the potty and the times she went in her pants it's like... I don't know, I'm not a mathmetician, but a LOT of times! I can't do this! I wasn't cut out for this gig! I was determined to be calm and gentle and patient about this whole nightmare of a process, but that there ship has sailed. I think I may have to up my meds this week (you think I'm kidding, but I'm not)!

I honestly find myself contemplating the most inane solutions to this WEE (wink, wink) dilemma. I picture placing my daughter in a small, hollow room with tile and a potty chair (I picture a raquetball court)... nothing else. Naked, maybe. No, not naked. I want her to figure out how to pull those pants up and down over that tush, for pete's sake! But no toys, no TV, no distractions... just her and her potty chair and a whole lot of BORING! Then I start to think to myself, 'you know, self, you'd probably be sitting on Dr Phil in 18 years if you did something like that', and I DEFINITELY don't want to do that cuz we all know what type of CAN I might open up on that there Quack job. And as if the whole hardcore "time in the hole" scenario weren't bad enough, I find my over-the-top mind thinking about whether or not they've invented shockable panties... yeah, I know. Confessions of a desperate houswife!!! Shockable panties! I might as well put a collar on her and take her for a walk around the block to have her pee in some other guys yard! Oh, where the mind goes when you've been BEATEN by the potty train.

In other news,... wait... there is no other news. This is MY LIFE as I know it (sigh)...

On the Potty Train... Again... Woot! Woot!

That's right. I always heard the horror stories about getting your little sugar boogers to use the throne, but I NEVER thought I'd be the one experiencing them. My offspring would be champs at bodily discharge, I thought. WOW! I mean... WOW! I have never been tried so hard as a mother than at this junction in my parenting career. Seriously, how do people go through this 5 and 6 times in their life? Hats off to you, Mom! I think that potty training should be considered the newest and truest form of birth control. I already had Gracie by the time I started having potty regression issues with Phoenix. Then I thought, DAMN! I'm gonna have to go through this all over again! Will I make it? Better yet, will my potty challenged offspring make it? I mean, at times I feel like the Potty Train Express I hopped on is about to blow it's top! Potty Train Express, ha! There's nothing Express about the training of the potty in my house!

I've tried the sticker chart (yawn), the Skittle Jar (over it!), and now have resorted to buying the nasty potty chair that MOMMY gets to clean out every time. You know, it wouldn't be so frustrating had she not already BEEN trained once. Yeah... that train's been broke! Enter baby Grace, Exit big girl Phoenix. Seriously... shoot me now... better yet, throw me off this crazy PeePee train.