"What's God?"

I don't remember my moment... I don't know what was going on in the background, who was in the room with me, what smells surrounded me, or even who I had the conversation with... However, I will always remember Phoenix's moment. We were sitting on the couch, TV noise in the background, Gracie playing on the floor in front of us. Phoenix heard something on the TV, I wish I knew what? She turned to me and said, "What's God, mom?" Not WHO'S GOD, but WHAT's GOD? It was one of those moments as a mother that you just want to crawl inside yourself and hope that no one ever finds out that you dropped the ball on teaching your kid the basics. Only, to me, the subject of God isn't exactly basic. It's confusing as hell. I looked into her big, deep, curious eyes and I wondered what I could say that would make sense to this sweet, inquisitive little soul. I started by talking about her Grandma Jolley, who passed away a few months ago. She knew that grandma was dead, just like our beloved Bernice the bulldog, but to her death was just one long, giant nap... I took this slightly uncomfortable moment to teach her about where Grandma and Bernice live now. We seriously had a 5 minute conversation (huge in toddler years) about God, the father. She understood that he was her dad, my dad, grandma's dad, and even her friend Preston's dad! Mission accomplished... I guess. It was actually quite fulfilling to have that conversation with my baby, even with all of my animosity.

So, then came Easter. We were coloring eggs and Grandma Jolley's name came up again since dyeing Easter eggs was her favorite pasttime. Phoenix started talking about God again and I thought to myself, why not take it a step further? Phoenix has never been to church or any type of sunday school, so I knew the answer to my question before I even asked it. Do you know what Easter is about? Shy, shrug of the shoulders... Do you know who Jesus is? Jesus? I took her into the living room where we have an amazing framed picture of Jesus holding a child in his arms in a beautiful garden. We received it years ago as a wedding gift from some dear friends. I held her next to me and I said, this is Jesus... he's your brother. You lived with him and God before you came to me and daddy. You mean when I was in your tummy like Gracie? I couldn't help but smile because her eyes were bright, and her excitement oozing. Yeah, baby, when you were in my tummy. I told her that Jesus lives with God and that Grandma and Bernice live with them, too, and that Jesus is my brother, and daddy's brother, and... GRANDPA's, she finished for me... yes, baby, grandpa's, too.

That Sunday, I found it was me getting the lesson on Jesus. She came home from her very first time at sunday school and told me all about Jesus and the bad guys... Glad she had a little heads up on the Jesus thing!!! lol!

It makes me happy to see my baby growing up and asking the tough questions. I think I surprised myself with how comfortable I was with having the conversation with her, but at the same time it made me a little sad. I will never believe the way that she will be taught to believe. My biggest fear is that she will eventually resent me for that like so many of my friends resented their non-believer parent or parents. I don't even know that it was as much resentment as it was fear... I guess only time will tell and hopefully Dave and I can work together to teach her tolerance and respect for every individual's beliefs. I want her to see that I am open to God and that I have found what works for me and that no matter what anyone says, it's okay for our beliefs to be different... I get a little sick thinking about it, but like I said, only time will tell.